For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fascinated by boats and large bodies of water. There is something so alluring about looking out over a vast expanse of blue that seems to stretch beyond the horizon. It’s mesmerizing and humbling, and I honestly can’t think of a time where I wasn’t amazed by it.
Perhaps my love of water is just a natural result of growing up in Michigan where you’re surrounded by the Great Lakes and “summer” and “boating” are practically synonymous. Or alternatively, because of my limited sight, there is a certain level of freedom I get on a boat that I just can’t completely have on land.
Boats are something of a great equalizer in this way. There are a myriad of literal obstacles on land—things I could trip over or run into—that do not exist on the water. Unless I’m the one navigating the boat (which I do not do), I can enjoy myself just as anyone else without feeling inhibited by my vision loss.
That is all the words I’m going to spend on talking about my eyesight in this blog post. I want to use the next few paragraphs to compare the way I’ve seen God work in my life to operating a sailboat.
A little-known fact about me is that I almost put away my saxophone and took up sailing when I first started college. The notion that I was going to learn to sail only inhabited my mind for a short time, and never manifested into anything despite the fact that I did take a break from music for a whole semester. I have since reconciled this failed dream of mine with settling for a nautical-themed bathroom. I would still like to learn to sail one day, so who knows? Maybe eventually it won’t be a failed dream.
What I did take advantage of in college, however, was working at the writing center on campus. I worked there as a writing consultant for three years, and it was in that role that I had some of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I loved how varied my consultations were and how I was able to share my passion for writing with students from different disciplines. My favorite part of the job was helping students become more confident writers.
All throughout college, I told people I wanted to be a professor, to write and to teach essentially. My mind suddenly changed the summer before my last semester. Admittedly, I had grown weary of school and I was nervous about my job prospects so I began to consider other careers that required only a bachelor’s degree.
At first, I thought about investigative journalism. I’ve always liked watching the news and being in-the-know, and I figured that being an investigative journalist could be interesting. Then, I had a hard run-in with reality in that it is actually quite difficult to begin a career as an investigative journalist and build a portfolio of work, especially when one has no experience, as I did. And with that, it was back to the drawing board.
My ideas of potential careers, and thus the jobs I applied for, really spanned the spectrum of the writing field. I applied for jobs in editing and publishing, marketing and content writing, communications, legal writing and legal clerical work, ghostwriting, administrative secretarial work, grant writing, and even travel agent roles. Although in hindsight I really wasn’t qualified for most—if not all—of those positions, I naively assumed the writing skills I had would just automatically translate. It led to many, many rejection emails and a dejected attitude on my part.
In early July after I had been working for almost a month in the job I finally landed and after my very short-lived hopes of being a travel agent didn’t pan out, I found myself drifting. I had no idea where my career was going to go and I felt incredibly lost and confused. But then a crazy thought materialized in my brain: what if I look again at being a professor?
I can only guess that this thought came from God, mostly because it terrified me. In that moment, I felt as though I was wrestling with Him. I told Him no a multitude of times, but arguing with God is truly a futile task. He wins. Every. Time.
In truth, as I reflect on the past year, I was wrestling with God all the while, fighting against what I’ve come to believe is His plan for me, which is to teach. It is incredible how much easier things become when I’m partnering with God and working within His plan. I began a new job three weeks ago, as a virtual writing tutor, re-engaging the skills I honed when working at the writing center in college. This job is to prepare me for graduate school (I am currently in the application process for that), and a career of collegiate-level teaching which I hope and pray will begin next fall.
So now I return to sailing, but in the form of an analogy. I am the sailboat, and when I was working against God’s plan, there was no force to move the boat and the only movement felt was the waves slamming against it. But when I finally did submit to the plan, that decision allowed for God to breathe life into me, creating the wind needed to propel the boat forward.
I have thought about this analogy a lot lately, and it gives me a sense of peace. Of course there will still be challenges, but having God in my corner and acting within His plan gives me the confidence needed to know that I can overcome them.